The greatness of our sahabah was developed slowly and gradually since they were young. The youth of Mecca were the supporters of Rasoolullah in Medina and leaders after he passed away; and the youth of Medina were supporters of the youth of Mecca and were leaders when they passed away.

We expect transformation to be easy and instant, but transformation is a process and earlier the transformation the more genuine it is. It is easier for an 18 year old to lower his gaze if he has been taught to do that since the age of 8. However, the expectations of the parents now is to go through passive parenting until the child starts to hit the puberty years, and then all of a sudden expect that the child should go through religious transformation because you don’t like what he or she is turning into.

Before order and instructions a relationship or love must be developed. If there is absence of child’s confidence in you, there will be absence in child’s confidence in what you tell them to do.

Lowering your Level of Understanding

Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that “Rasoolullah is best in manners from the people; and I had a brother who had just finished breast feeding. He had a bird which died. Whenever Rasoolullah used to visit us he said, ‘O Abu Umayr, what happened to the Nughayr.’”

The theme of death of a pet bird may not be necessarily of concern to you, but the concern of Rasoolullah for this child’s feelings immortalized a hadeeth in Saheeh Bukhari and Muslim to a level where we even learned the name of the bird that died.

Rasoolullah (peace and blessings be upon him) had seen death, his mother and grandfather in his youth, Abu Talib and Khadeejah in the year of sorrow, Hamza and Musab in battle of Uhud, he saw other sahabah give their lives for Islam, and even saw the death of his own sons. Yet, here is Rasoolullah, every time he visited he would console the boy.

The theme does not have to be of concern to you, but your child’s feeling has to be of concern to you. You must lower your understanding to their level, raise their status to your own – just like Rasoolullah gave adulthood to this child by calling him Abu Umayr. We must address the issues that are of concerning to the children; children need someone to talk about their issues and concerns.

A Smiling Attitude

Abdullah ibn Haarith (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “I have never seen anyone who smiled more than Allah’s Messenger.” (At-Tirmidhee) Jareer (may Allah be pleased with him) reported , “Since I embraced Islam, Allah’s Messenger never refused to see me and he did not see me but with a smile on his face.” (Saheeh Muslim)

The prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) wept and he cried, but his dominating attitude was the smile. The smile was with such conviction that Amr b. Al-Aas thought that he was the most beloved to Rasoolullah. He was the most merciful amongst the people. Allah said about him: “Grievous to him is what you suffer, anxious for you, compassionate is he, merciful to the believers.” (10:128) and “We only sent you as a mercy to all the worlds.” (21:107)

Now imagine the effect of that smile on the child. Imagine the face of rasoolullah from a child’s eyes. A face that was sufficient to convince Abdullah b. Salaam of his truthfulness, when he said, “I knew his face was not of a liar.” Remember the hadeeth of a man coming to Barra b. Azib and asking him, “Was the face of Rasoolullah like the sword?” and recall how he responded, “No, but it was like the moon.” Consider a child’s fascination with the moon, and consider how the child would be fascinated with the Prophet’s face.

Imagine the face and the smile with the wide eyes – the black, blacker than black, and the white, whiter than white. And perhaps you can even consider the whiteness of his teeth when he smiles because of the miswak.

Now when Rasoolullah speaks, would the children around him pay attention to him. His smile is complemented with his clear and concise speech, often times repeating himself three times; is there any wondering why the listener would memorize what he says?

Positive Association of a Touch

How do you comfort scared children? When Hassan and Hussain were lost and about to be attacked by a snake, they were hugging and holding on holding on to one another. After having a word with the snake, Rasoolullah separated the boys, wiped over their heads to comfort them, and then carried both of them out, one on each shoulder.

Anas narrates that Rasoolullah’s touch was softer than silk. Now imagine you’re a child and Rasoolullah wipes your cheek; how would that feel? Jabir b. Sumrah narrates that “I prayed with the rasoolullah the first prayer (dhuhr) and He went to his house, and I followed him. He wiped my cheek and I never smelt a fragrance more beautiful than him.”

Or consider the hadeeth of Abu Mahdhura. At the conquest of Mecca when Bilal made Adhan on the ka’aba, some kids made fun of him while mockingly repeating what he said. But one of the boys had a beautiful voice and Rasoolullah gathered all of those boys and told them to make the adhan. Out of fear they did. When it came Abu Mahdhura, he told others to leave. Abu Mahdura said, “None was more hated to me then him. He put his hand on my forehead and none was more beautiful to me that him. And then he said, ‘I will teach you adhan …’ I never cut my hair because it was touched by Rasoolullah. (Saheeh Muslim)

But touch isn’t just limited to the touch of the hand, but it could be holding your child. Narrated Abu Qatadah: The Messenger of Allah came towards us while carrying Umaimah the daughter of Abi Al-`As (Prophet’s granddaughter) over his shoulder. He prayed, and when he wanted to bow, he put her down, and when he stood up he lifted her up.(Al-Bukhari) Or the kiss on the cheek, Abu Hurairah narrated that Rasoolullah (peace and blessing be upon him) kissed Hassan.

Is kissing your kid in public shocking? A sahabi, Al-Akra, said to Rasoolullah, “I have ten boys and I have never kissed any one of them before.” Rasoolullah responded, “He who does not show mercy is not shown mercy.” (Sahih Bukhari)

This practice of kissing ones child in the public realm was then practiced by Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) when he was the Leader of the Believers. His secretary in perhaps a similar surprised said, “how can you kiss your son, while you are Ameer ul-Momineen, I have never kissed any of my children before.” Umar responded, “What can I do if Allah has taken away love and compassion from your heart.” And then he fired his secretary, “how can you be merciful to the people when you can’t be merciful to your children?”

Playfulness

Abu Hurairah narrates (and this indicate that this was occurring in the public realm), “I used to see Rasoolullah bring his tongue out towards Hasan until seeing its full redness. (Ibn Hakim)

One of the narrations that reflects the Prophet’s sense of enjoyment of fun is the story that Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) related: “I went out with the Prophet on a journey. At that time I was a young girl and was quite slender. The Prophet told the people ‘Go on ahead,’ so they went ahead, then he said to me, ‘Come, let us have a race.’ So I raced with him, and I won. He let the matter rest until I had gained weight. Later, I accompanied him on another journey. He told the people, ‘Go on ahead,’ so they went ahead. He said to me, ‘Come, and let us have a race.’ So I raced with him, and he won. He began to laugh, and said, ‘This is for that.”‘ (Abu Dawud)

Giving Gifts and Presents

Tabarani recorded that a Ishaq b. Yahya b. Talha (a young boy at the time) accompanied his uncle, Esa b. Talha, to the masjid. An old man named Saeb b. Yazeed (may Allah be pleased with him) entered the masjid. Esa, the uncle, told Ishaq to go ask Saeb if he has ever seen Rasoolullah. When Ishaq asked him, Saeb responded, “I entered the mosque with some children and he was eating dates with his companions; when he saw us he took some dates and gave it to us.”

Fulfilling their Emotional Needs

Narrated Umm Khalid (the daughter of Khalid ibn Said): I went to Allah’s Messenger with my father and I was wearing a yellow shirt. Allah’s Messenger said, “Sana, Sana!” (Abdullah, the narrator, said that sana meant beautiful in the Ethiopian language). I then started playing with the seal of prophethood (between the Prophet’s shoulders) and my father rebuked me harshly for that. Allah’s Messenger said, “Leave her.” The Prophet, then, invoked Allah to grant her a long life thrice. (Al-Bukhari)

Now, was Rasoolullah referring to the yellow shirt being beautiful, or referring to Umm Khalid being beautiful? What’s really beautiful about this hadeeth is that Rasoolullah communicated to the girl in her own language, considering that she had just moved to Medina from Abyssinia.

The Impact

Have you considered the relationship of Rasoolullah and his daughter? In one narration when Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her) visited Rasoolullah, he stood up, kissed her, made her sit in his own place of sitting and sat next to her.

The impact is not academic, the impact is natural. Building a loving relationship with your children allows you to communicate more effectively – not the kind of communication where you talk, but the kind of communication where they take your advice to their hearts.

Ibn Abas narrates that once the prophet recited the verses, “O you who believe, protect yourself and your families from fire whose fuel are men and stones …” A boy fainted. When the boy woke up, Rasoolullah said, “Give him glad tidings of Jannah.”