The night was spent in anticipation; it wasn’t the victory or the leadership that was yearned, rather each soldier yearned for the love of Allah and His Messenger. As they all stood in the morning with high hopes, the sahabi who the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was to ask for was absent, suffering from a swollen eye due to an infection.

He was called upon and Rasoolullah cured his eyes, and he was given the standard to lead the Muslims into victory. “Take it easy and do not be hasty (victory is already promised by Allah). When you are in front of the fortress, do not break it until you call them to Islam; tell them what is the right of their lord upon them. If Allah guides one man through you, that is better then everything (armors and camels and cattle) that is inside that fortress.”

1. Job of a leader is not to take the project or task to its finality (we know the Messenger of Allah is not with us anymore). The job of a leader is to take the project to its heights.

2. Delegate: This was at the battle of Khaybar where Muslims had to fight several different fortresses, one after another. Rasoolullah was among them and he could of lead this expedition, but he chooses to delegate. He gives the sahabi not only the task but the specific advice that the sahabi needed to accompany the responsibility.

3. Success in leadership is dependent on developing people on a continuum, from closely monitored apprentice to a skilled and highly motivated leader. It is narrated in Seerah Ibn Hisham and Seerah Ibn Ishaq that when the enemy did not respond to the call of tawheed, this sahabi was able to take apart the entire door of the fortress with his bare hands and used it as a shield on one hand, while fighting with the sword in the other hand (a miracle from Allah, Most High). Highly skilled? Yes. Highly Motivated? Totally. Exceptional leader? Absolutely.

4. What is the name of this sahabi? Share your comments.

1. Dig a khandaq (battle of Ahzaab): Experiment with new ideas and don’t accept the status quo.

2. Take an army of 3,000 to face 200,000 (battle of Mu’ta): Set “impossible” challenge and break through them.

3. Failure in reality is an opportunity (battle of Uhud): Occasionally failing is not a bad thing, they are learning opportunities; so don’t be afraid of pushing boundaries.

4. Push boundaries even after failure (second day of Uhud): As injured and hurt as they were, the prophet (peace be upon him) gathered all the participants of Uhud and no one else to chase away the Mushrikeen of Mecca.

5. Take 1500 of your closest companions without any weapons to do umrah in a city that hates you and wants to kill you: Take calculated risks and make that process an integral part of your business/organization. Failure would be part of the innovative process.

(Rasoolullah went for umrah with 1500 of his companions with nothing but sheathed travelers sword; attack from the mushrikeen was quite imminent. But because of the risk, there was truce in which the kuffar actually recognized the Muslims as a separate entity of a nation.)

6. Overcome your imaginary obstacles to achieve your true potential: You can fool others by making excuses, but not yourself. Stop making excuses; change your perception towards barriers. Talk to a friend or a coach to get a new perspective.

Mahan: “We know that it is hardship and hunger that have brought you out of your lands. We will give every one of your men ten dinars, clothing and food if you return to your lands, and next year we will send you a similar amount.”

Khalid b. Waleed: “Actually, what brought us out of our lands is that we are a people who drink blood, and it has reached us that there is no blood tastier than Roman blood.”

7. Kuffar saw it as a victory for Meccans, the sahabah saw it as a loss for the Muslims, how did the the Rasoolullah look at the treaty of Hudaybiyah? We tend to look at things through the lenses that we wear. The lens that you see through may not give you the entire picture; break-through your business conventions and see the problem, issue, task through a new lens.

8. Athletes do it; Abdullah b. Rawahah did it; improve the talk inside your head that you do to yourself.

9. Stop being selfish: stop trying to convince others of your point of view; understand their mindset and help them overcome barriers. Often, when the mala (leaders such as Waleed b. Mugheerah) would come to argue with Rasoolullah, Rasoolullah would listen to them. When they had completed what they had to say, Rasoolullah would respond.

10. Be ruthless in your priorities: do a few things exceptionally well. Follow the Paretto principle of 20/80. Help people do what they are good at. Make Amr b. Al-Aas into an ambassador; make Khalid into a general; get Zaid to do some scholarly work, like lead the scholars to compile the Quran. Focus on what you are good at.

Discard the old processes that don’t work and develop radical new one.

10. Avoid the infection of the unhappy. Emotional state can be infectious and you can die from someone else’s misery. The unfortunate sometime draw on misfortune on themselves and they would draw it on you too.

18. Isolation is dangerous – do not build fortresses to protect yourself. You’re exposed to more dangers by becoming conspicuous and an easy target. More importantly you are cut off from valuable information. On the other hand, isolation can block societal noise and lets you think and ponder over the big picture.

20. Do not commit to anything. Fools rush in to take sides. Be independent and make others pursue you. But play with too many factions and they will gang up against you. Or play too much opportunity can close without you committing.

35. Master the art of timing. Never seem to be in a hurry, hurriness makes you seem out of control. Seem patient as if you know everything will come to. Become detective of the right moments, sniff the trends that will carry you. Learn to stand back when time is not ripes, but strike fiercely when its ready.

36. Disdain things you cannot have, ignoring them is the best revenge. Giving attention to petty problems gives it life, existence and credibility.

40. Despise the free lunch: What is usually offered for free usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt and deceit. On the other hand you can offer a free lunch as bait.

41. Avoid stepping into a great man’s shoe: what happens first always appears better and more original than what comes after. If you succeed a great man, you will have to double their achievements to outshine them; establish your own identity.

38. Think as you like, but behave like others: If you go against time and flaunt your unconventional ideas people will think you only want attention. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.

46. Never appear too perfect. You will become a victim of envy. Envy creates silent enemies. This is one lesson I had to learn the hard way. So deflect them by occasionally displaying defects and admit to harmless vices … unless you actually want to trap your enemy in envy.

47. Learn when to stop. Do not go past the mark you aim for. Do not allow success to go to your head, there is no substitute for strategy and careful planning.

48. Assume formlessness. Never bet on stability or lasting order; everything changes. The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water.

7. Get others to do the work for you: use their wisdom, knowledge, legwork, and take all the credit. You will save time and energy, and it will lead to efficiency and speed. Never do yourself what others can do for you.

8. Let other people come to you; use bait if necessary. When you force other person to act you are the one in control. Always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning this own plans in the process.

2. [Work should not be entrusted to your friends, but enemies should be utilized.] Don’t trust your friends to do your work, learn to use your enemies. Friends can become spoiled and will take advantage of that; and enemies are perfect to do the dirty work. They also make perfect scapegoats.

13. When asking assistance appeal to people’s self interest, never to their mercy or gratitude. You will owe them. Though some people prefer charity while some people give to feel power.

22. Use surrender tactic; turn your weakness into power. Don’t give your opponent the satisfaction of defeating you, surrender will give you time to recover.

23. Concentrate your forces: intensity defeats extensity. Focus on the strongest point. Find the fat cow to milk. Disperse only if you are on the weaker side (Guerilla warfare) or if for experimentation.

28. Enter action with boldness. If you’re unsure of action, do not attempt it; hesitation will infect your execution. If you commit a mistake through audacity, just correct it with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold, noone honors the timid.

29. Plan all the way to the end. Take into account all possible consequences, obstacles and twists of fortune that might reverse your hand. You will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you’ll know when to stop. Just don’t become rigid.

15. Thrive in the world of power and political dexterity by art of indirection, flattery, yielding to superiors in a graceful manner. Just don’t get caught.

16. Never best or surpass your superior, to prevent you from rousing fear and uncertainty in them.

17. Keep people off balance, keep them in the dark, envelop them in smoke, never reveal the purpose behind your actions. If they don’t know what to expect, they can’t prepare their defenses. Hopefully, by the time they realize your intentions it will be too late.

18. Win through action not through arguments. Argument only momentarily changes opinion. Demonstrate not explicate.

19. Use selective honesty or generosity to disarm your victim. Open hearted honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the suspicious people. Open a hole and then deceive and manipulate – like a Trojan horse. Reversal: not possible with history of deceit.

20. Pose as a friend, work as a spy. In the polite social encounters learn to probe, ask indirect questions to reveal intentions and weaknesses of others. Since you know others will spy, give out protective false information.

17. Cultivate an air of unpredictability and keep others in suspense. Humans are creatures of habit and your predictability
gives them a sense of control over you. Act predictable to put someone at ease or setup for rare unpredictable things by initially starting off predictable.

19. Know who you’re dealing with, do not offend the wrong person. There are many different kinds of people. Never assume everyone will treat your strategies the same way. If you out maneuver some, they will seek revenge rest of their lives.

15. Crush your enemies completely. More is lost through stopping halfway. Don’t let the enemy recover, like the fire in the forest. Don’t only crush in body, but in spirit. If possible, let them crush themselves. Warning: if they are cornered people fight harder.

21. Play a sucker to catch a sucker. Make your victim seem smarter than you. Once they are convinced, don’t won’t suspect an ulterior motive. At the start, it does not pay to look stupid.

30. Make your accomplishments seem effortless. Act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Avoid temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions. Teach none of your trick or they will be used against you. Partial revelation shows capability.

31. Control options: best deception seems to give others a choice that you have dealt. Your victims will feel they are in control, but either of the options are in your favor. Force them to choose lesser of two evils.

32. Play to people’s fantasies.Truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant.

33. Discover each man’s weakness, his insecurity, uncontrollable emotion or need, or a small secret pleasure. Turn it to your advantage.

27. Play on people’s need to believe by creating a cult-like following. People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Become focal point of the desire, keep the words vague but full of promise: emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking.

37. Create compelling spectacles: Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power. Dazzled by appearance, no one will notice what you’re really doing.

39. Stir waters to catch fish: anger and emotions are strategically counterproductive. Gain decided advantage by making your enemy angry, while staying calm yourself. But never stir up waters that can be used against you.

42. Strike the shepherd and the sheep will disperse: Find that stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoner of good will; neutralize their influence by isolating them. If you allow them room to operate, others will succumb to their influence.

43. Work on the hearts and minds of others: Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you; seduce them by operating their individual psychologies and weaknesses. Soften their resistance by working on their emotions, playing on what they hold dear, and what they fear.

44. Disarm (or infuriate) with the mirror effect: Do exactly what they do and they won’t be able to figure out your strategy. Seduce them with an illusion that you share their values. It can disarm them, and if you take it to next level you can mock them and humiliate them or teach them a lesson.

45. Preach the need for change, but reform never too much at once. Everyone understands the need for change … but only in abstract. On day to day people are creatures of habit, and too much innovation can be traumatic. Make it feel like gentle improvements on the past.

7. Forge an identity that commands. Never agree to the role society imposes upon on you. You’re bigger and more grandeur than that. Break those chains of judgment and conceived notions and forge an identity that attracts attention. Be authority of your own image rather than being pushed into one. Tell those who tell you what to be, “you’re not the boss of me.”

8. Be commanding, majestic, noble and worthy in your own way. Be anything but common.You will be treated the way you carry yourself. Appear vulgar and people will disrespect you. Act confident and powerful, people might elevate you. Just don’t advance yourself by humiliating others.

9. The more you say, the more common you appear, and less in control: Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say the more chance you have of saying something foolish. On the other side, you can create a smoke screen with talk; imitate court jester to seem harmless.

10. Captivate attention. If things are judged by appearance and what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself be lost in the crowd. Be conspicuous, magnet of attention, appear large, colorful, yet mysterious. But beware of appearing greedy for attention, it only signals insecurity.

11. Use absence to increase respect and honor. Too much circulation makes the price go down; you begin to appear common. Withdrawal from the group will make you more talked about. Just don’t leave too early, establish a presence first.

12. Maintain a reputation of intimidation and guard it at all cost. Be alert to potential attacks and spoil them. Use this as a weapon if need be, destroy the enemy by opening holes in opponents’ reputation and let the public opinion hang them.

13. Make yourself needed and wanted. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you. Reversal: makes you dependent on them.

14. Keep your hands clean: be a paragon of civility and efficiency. Maintain a spotless appearance by using others as unwitting pawns and screens to disguise your involvement. However, sometimes you need to show your power, in which case, do not disguise your attack.

1. Become a player in the arena of strategy. Its not about abandoning your values and principles. It is, however, about understanding that deception is part of the public realm and winners incorporate appropriate strategies in the appropriate circumstances.

2. An active player plays the game of power and control. Power and control isn’t only a game of nations, but game that businesses play, professionals play, and even family members. Did you know that according to one study, the leading cause of divorce among Muslim couples is in-laws and the family politics?

3. Control isn’t always having a superior hand over someone, or having someone succumb to you. Control is manipulating others through indirect methods, sometimes while your opponent is not even aware.

4. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that the general nature of people is a good nature, or that they’re intentions are good. Recall the questions of Ameer-ul-Momineen, Umar, when a man claimed that another man was a good man. Have you done any business with him? Have you lived with him? How can you claim to know someone when you haven’t had any dealings with him.

Apply the Schrödinger’s cat paradox. A cat is in a box; you don’t know whether the cat is dead or alive, so you must consider both possibilities – the cat is dead and alive at the same time until you open the box and verify. Same thing goes for people. Don’t judge them as good and bad based on prejudices. The box should be considered closed until you have enough evidence to say otherwise.

5. The master player is a psychologist, always examining those who he deals with, understanding what ticks them and strategizing indirect avenues to power over them. Its like the science of firasa that Umar was so expert in. He could immediately look at a man’s face and recognize that he used to be a magician before accepting Islam.

6. The expert player knows what he wants and knows how to get it. More importantly, the expert player knows what he is willing to pay to get it, and understands that not all goals are worth the price.

Myth: You are born with negotiation skills. Truth: You can have your dad teach it to you.

When is it not appropriate to negotiate? It’s always appropriate to negotiate. The inappropriateness is in your mind and it’s your decision to negotiate. Ask and open the conversation to negotiate. If you don’t ask or open the conversation, you will never know of the possibilities; you’re assuming an automatic no. What is the worst thing that can happen? That if you ask, they will say “no.”

This is your moment to shine. This will show how brittle or flexible you are. This is the realm of strategy where you get to have fun, play games, and create win-win scenarios; and do it fast and on the go.

The objective of this post is not to teach the specifics of negotiations, but for you to use negotiation as a tool to learn and practice the skills of effectiveness. Negotiation requires you to be quick, negotiation requires you to listen, and negotiation requires you to get your point across effectively. This allows us to summarize the previous post in an application format.

Build instant rapport. You don’t have time when negotiating on the street, so what can you do quickly so the person can come to appreciate you? Throw an insult or a compliment; tell a story or a joke; perhaps startle or surprise them; or make small talk.

Treat them as if they are the most important. Give them a sense of security in negotiating with you. Give them comfort in that your interest is a win/win scenario.

Determine who your audience is. Put your coaching skills in practice and determine what is really going in a person’s mind by asking the “what” and the “how” questions. What is going on in their heads? What are their beliefs? How far apart are they standing from you mentally? Control their focus by listening, but direct their thoughts with questioning. Listen 80% of the time; talk 20% of the time.

Catch their attention: Break their pattern of thinking by asking a different question. Focus on something else. Walk away for a moment, perhaps playfully yet respectfully. Be creative in how you get them to break their current thinking process. “Hey, what shade of brown is your wallet?”

Game plan: Use a rationale or reason why you are entitled to receive what you are asking for.

The “not-perfect” rationale: “Give me a discount because the item is not perfect, but I would totally be willing to help you out and take it off your hands.” Or, “hey, this is nice, but it’s no longer in style. I would be willing to help you out by taking it off your hands.” Amazingly, my dad used this technique to buy $20,000 worth of cabinets and counters for $8,000.

High volume rationale: “Give me a discount because instead of one, I am buying 20 of those things.”

High volume sample rationale: “I’m intending to buy 20 of those things, how much would the discount be? Okay, can I try out one for a discounted price since I have never experienced that product?”

Promise of future business rationale: “I love your product, and as you know I am your regular customer; how about giving me a discount and I promise future business with you, and perhaps I’ll even tell my friends and colleagues about you.”

What rationale do you use to get your kids to do what want? Reframing! It can make any negative perception into a positive one. It’s the perception that is negative; not what you are trying to do; for example, a clean room is positive, but the perception of cleaning the room is negative. Framing is like taking a picture, no matter how horrible it is, and then framing it to make however you want. In our application, the objective is to frame negativity into positive. “Oh, I’m losing money on this sale.” Reframe: “You’re making a sale, with chances of repeat sale if I like the product.”

Pre-framing: You do this at the set up of the conversation. A real estate agent will say, “I have an amazing property to show you.” A parent will say, “I have a treat for you, you just have a small task to do for me.”

De-framing: This is where you actually smash the frame of the other individual. Have them completely rethink their frame. For example, you’re son is angry for some reason, you de-frame his perception of whatever with comic relief – perhaps start making faces at him. If someone doesn’t like a product that you are offering to them, you can de-frame by saying, “Yeah, I suspected you wouldn’t buy it, this product is only bought by our elite customers.”

Control Options: The general public prefers personal freedom however destructive it may be. Never back people up against the wall; that will only give them one option. A weapon in your arsenal is to present that freedom in making decision; perhaps two choices that are both acceptable to you.

Manage time or rather take control of the time. Be in a little hurry, if you’re not getting a response fast enough. “I only have one piece of candy. If you don’t clean your room, I’m eating it.”

Adjust your negotiations according to the non-verbal cues. Read their body language. Are they submissive or authoritative? Are their hands closed or open? How are they standing or sitting? Can you change their state? Are they bored, are they confused, or are they evaluative?

Create Convictions. People don’t buy facts, people buy benefits. Get the “No’s” out of the way as soon as possible. Once you start hitting the “yeses,” get the person to commit.

Positive attitude: it can make anything work.

Often as parents, we will compare our children with one another. As unjust as that is, we further increase that injustice by not really understanding different types of strengths and weaknesses. Adding insult to this injustice, it’s not that one of the child is weak, but we have incorrectly defined their strengths. Adding injury to this injustice, we start giving more attention to the children who are supposedly weaker, because we feel the stronger child is capable of succeeding on their own.

Work with people who are already successful and those who aren’t by our definition; help accelerate their stellar or stagnant progress. Work toward the unknown and help the people become a beacon for new ideas, new ways of performing. Help them discover new capacities, new ways of applying knowledge and skills.

Current performance should not be the issue. The key of coaching is to start off with properly defining a vision and then find appropriate route and strategies to make that vision a reality. It’s the thinking of the long-term, focus on the breakthroughs, and inspiration through life ambitions.

The current performance is not the issue for high-performers, breakthroughs and quantum leaps are. If we encourage those leaps, especially when they are non-linear, the high performers will fill in the spaces between the leaps.

Coaching is an appropriate strategy where your coachee is responsible for all the actions and you, as a coach, are available for support and advice. The goal of coaching is improvement and growth, not pleasing or appeasing.

There are seven main elements of coaching. Each element is an ongoing process and on occasion you, as a coach, will have to work on these elements simultaneously with your coachee.

Element 1: Bond for success. This is an agreement that you as a coach will need to create by setting mutual goals and agree on guidelines. It is essential to emphasize maximization of choice and minimization of dependence.

Questions to ask:
o What concerns are we going to be address?
o What is important to you at this time?
o What overall process do you suggest?
o What are our goals?

Element 2: Benchmarking. This is to understanding where we stand in our current role, and it provides the foundation to build on, and it helps us determine direction we need to go in. Coachee should express true and real assessment of their strengths and needs; perhaps even provide hard-data.

Questions to explore:

o What data do we have to assess our current standings?
o What perceptions and observations can we base our data on?
o What data or information would we like to have, and how would this be helpful?

Element 3: Establishing a trusting relationship. Develop a caring and trusting foundation, so that you are able to carry the relationship through good times and bad. If chemistry is missing, figure out what is specifically is missing that is causing the mismatch of chemistry.

Questions to explore:
o Do we trust each other?
o How easy or difficult do we find it to discuss our genuine concerns?
o What could we do differently to enhance our ability to work together?
o Do I, as your coach, clearly understand you and your issues?

Element 4: Possibilities and Setting Goals. As a coach, your goal is to challenge your coachee to explore the self-impose limitations and then break out of those self limiting belief with unleashing power. The coach further would assist in setting “smart” goals for short and long term success.

Questions to explore:
o What does success look like for you now? What does success look like for you in the future?
o What do you want to be remembered for?
o Who are your heroes?
o Tell me about a time when you were at your very best. What was it like for you? What made it possible?
o What accomplishments are just beyond your grasp?

Element 5: Taking action. As a coach, you will need to push your coachee out of their comfort zone. It is not about what they are doing right now, but to make change for the better, it is what they can do differently to make progress. This requires your coachee to be able to explore risks, albeit calculate risk, and experiment new behaviour and habits.

Questions to explore:
o How much risk are you willing to tolerate?
o What specifically do we need to do in order to achieve our goals?
o How are we going to go about doing the task?
o What support is needed between the coaching sessions?

Element 6: Staying on Track. In this element, the objective to measure progress, assess the progress, and then refine the process. The past actions are reviewed and lessons are derived from it. Strategies are changed, if progress is not made. As a coach you will need to influence the coachee to overcome old habits and build new ways of thinking and working.

Questions to explore:
o What progress have we made?
o What actions have resulted in the most useful learning?
o What risks seemed reasonable? What risk seemed too demanding?
o Is the coachee being both supported and challenged?

Element 7: Concluding the Coaching. This is not the conclusion of a relationship, this is a conclusion of the coaching relationship, and perhaps changing the dynamics of the current relationship. As the need for coaching decreases, the coaching relationship will phase out. A plan should be developed for ongoing development, perhaps even finding another, more powerful coach who can challenge and support the coachee in new ways.

Questions to explore:
o How will we wind down and eventually end the coaching relationship?
o What support will be needed?
o Where can the coachee continue to get support and challenge in the future?