• After the battle of Hunain, in a private meeting with the Ansar, Messenger of Allah asks “what prevents you from replying to the Messenger of Allah, O tribe of Helpers?” And they confusingly ask, “What should be the reply, O Messenger of Allah, while to the Lord and to his Messenger belong all benevolence and grace.” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “But by Allah, you might have answered and answered truly, for I would have testified to its truth myself if you said, ‘You came to us belied and rejected and we accepted you; you came to us as helpless and we helped you; a fugitive and we took you in; poor and we comforted you.’ … Are you not satisfied, O Ansaar, that the people go home with ewes and camels while you go home with Allah’s Messenger? If the people would go through a valley and passage, and the ansaar go through another valley and passage, I would go through the valley and passage of the Ansaar. Allah! Have mercy on the Ansaar, their children, and their children.”

• If you were alone in the world, then okay … but you live in a community and your success is related to the quality of relationship you can build. It’s really quite obvious; in marriage you need a lover, in business you need client and vendors, and on a deserted island you need an imaginary friend.

• Under the rule of Yazeed b. Muawiyah, the governor of Medina took some property of Abdullah b. Masud unjustly. Abdullah b. Masud threatened to call on Hilf al-Fudool (Treaty of Fudool); and when Abdullah b. Zubayr heard that treaty being called on, he stated, “swords will be taken out if Abdullah’s (b. Masud) property is not returned.”

The treaty was forged in the time of Rasoolullah, but before his prophethood. After his prophethood, he said about the treaty, “I witnessed a treaty in the house of ‘Abdullah bin Jada’an. It was more appealing to me than herds of cattle. Even now in the period of Islam I would respond positively to attending such a meeting if I were invited.”

It was a treaty witness by four tribes suppressing violence and injustice, and vindicating the rights of the weak and the destitute.The reason they found a need to forge this treaty was to protect the image of people of Mecca; not to be ruined by oppressors oppressing the travelers. So even if the oppressor doesn’t find the treaty in his favor; ultimately it’s for his benefit in the long run.

Al-Aas b. Wael refused to pay the travelling merchant (Zubaid). Zubaid went to one nobleman after another one, and no one wanted to help him because Al-Aas b. Wael was a nobleman. It is essential to separate the people from the problem. We tend to favor and like some people and dislike others. Separating people from the problem allows you to be hard on the problem, while being soft on the people.

Focus on the benefits rather than taking a position. The noblemen took the position of siding with Al-Aas, but the position wasn’t necessarily in the interest of the Meccans. The merchant, Zubaid, was a poet and he would have ruined the image of Mecca thus ruining trade. People often get entangled in positions and they can’t see underlying interests.

• Building win-win agreements: So what is building win-win agreements? It’s a balance between courage and consideration, its justice, its fairness. Being raised in a culture of black and white, and win and lose, and right and wrong, it becomes very hard to think win-win. People are stuck in the win-lose mentality; I can only gain if you lose. But the world isn’t as constricted as they think it is. Make a differentiation between creating alternatives and judging alternatives. In case of Hilf Al-Fudool, it was to build a treaty among tribes in which a member of each tribe witnessed. Building a win-win relationship is the consideration you give to others on what is fair, and courage to take from others what is fair.

• People’s emotions clouds rationality; just like it did for Al-Aas b. Wael. He could have simply paid the man, he could have simply complied to the treaty, but he had to be forced by the confederacy. Never yield to pressure, only principles - keep an objective criteria at all times (just like the confederacy did).

• No man is an island: Everyone needs a support system, and it needs to be in place before you need it. Even the Messenger of Allah sought support from his family before going public with the dawah. Once he came inside with dirt all over his head. The weak followers of Quraish had completely trashed him. His daughter, Fatima, cleans him while crying, and he says, “Do not cry my daughter, Allah is my only protector.” And then remembering Abu Talib says, “Quraish did not actually affect me until Abu Talib died.”

• We are not prophets, but they were examples for us and they followed the natural course of action to reach their goal, and if we don’t follow that course we won’t accomplish anything of significance. This includes seeking help of others – whether it’s to achieve personal goals, or professional. A well developed support structure provides guidance and assistance when needed. You would often find Messenger of Allah seeking advice from companions like Abu Bakr and Umar and other companions. This guidance also helps you avoid pitfalls.

• A well developed support structure provides you a place to test out your thought and get reality check on complex ideas. It also provides you feedback; some people can be poor judges of their own behavior.

• A well developed support structure provides emotional support; the example of Khadeeja (radheeAllahuanha) for Rasoolullah. Rasoolullah (May peace and blessings be upon him) talks about his wife, Khadeejah (radheeAllahuanhu), “She believed when people rejected, she said I was saying the truth when people were saying I was lying, when people held their money from me, she gave me all of her wealth, and Allah gave me all my children from her.”

• A well developed support structure challenges you to reach your potential.