Standard of Indestructible Ethics
Become a Standard of Indestructible Ethics.
How long will you stick to your principles and values before you give up on them? In what circumstance will you give up on your integrity? Will you become cowardly when standing in front of a daunting force? Will you become emotional and angry and lose your “cool” when you are in power? Will you give up on your integrity just for a moment, if it meant you could earn six-figures? Or how long will you say “no” to your child to something potentially unethical before giving in?
Sufian bin Abdullah, may Allah be pleased with him, said to Rasoolullah, “O Messenger of Allah, tell me something about Islam which I can ask of no one but you.” So Rasoolullah responded:
“Say: ‘I believe in Allah,’ and thereafter be steadfast.” [Muslim]
Despite your genetics, your parents, and your environment, if in the end you don’t come on the Day of Judgment in submission to Allah, then you and no one else will be held accountable for that. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) said in the Noble Quran, “And indeed we have created man, and We know what oneself whispers to him. And We are nearer to him than his jugular vein. [Remember] that the two receivers [recording angels] receive, one sitting on the right and one on the left. Not a word does he utter but there is a watcher by him ready [to record it]” [Qaaf (50): 16-18]
Just like you are responsible for your success and failure in the hereafter, you are responsible for the success and failure in this world as well, including communicating and dealing with others. Losers blame, leaders take responsibility. Losers will say that the other person made them lose their temper and emotions, while leaders take control of the situation by firstly taking control over themselves.
Being unconquerable lies within yourself:
So over you is the greatest enemy a man can have and that is fear. I know some of you are afraid to listen to the truth – you have been raised on fear and lies. But I am going to preach to you the truth until you are free of that fear … [Malcolm X]
Success begins with you and who you are. It is your confidence and attitude that propels you and it is your esteem that sustains you. If you don’t believe in your own self, then you are a loser; Allah gave you the ability and yet you take it for granted. If that is the case you will be afflicted with fear, stress and constant defeatism unless you feed your mind with powerful positive suggestions.
Free your soul: Rasoolullah said, “Everyone starts his day and is a vendor of his soul, either freeing it or bringing about its ruin.” [Saheeh Muslim]
Paralysis in action is the result of self doubt. Never jump into a conversation with self doubt; your audience will sense it. If they don’t trust in your confidence, they will not have confidence in you. Parents know this – kids can detect when you lack confidence and they will rebel.
Do not be deceived by people who are already deceived. The first piece of advice that Uthman (radhiAllahuanhu) gave in his inauguration speech was “do not be deceived by people who are already deceived.” If you want to attain good manners and qualities, find out what the people who possess good akhlaaq do to get where they are at. The best role models are the Prophets, Allah ta’ala says, “There has certainly been for you in the Messenger an excellent pattern, for anyone whose hope is Allah and the Last Day and who remembers Allah often.” [Surat al-Ahzaab (33):21].
Understand Your Environment: Environment has a major effect on one’s akhlaaq (manners), and in majority of the cases the environment has a major role in our defects. One of the purposes of rehab center for a drug addict is to take him out of his environment into a purer environment; and one of the major challenges a rehabilitated man faces is going back to his old environment.
Allah ta’ala says, “Indeed, those whom the angels take (in death) while wronging themselves – (the angels) will say, ‘In what condition were you?’ They will say ‘We were oppressed in the land.’ They (the angels) will say, ‘Was not the earth of Allah spacious enough for you to emigrate in it?’ For those, their refuge is hell – and evil it is as a destination.” [Surat an-Nisa (4): 97]
Similarly, there is a story of a murderer mentioned in a hadeeth. He had killed a 100 men and he went to a scholar to trying to find out if there is any forgiveness for him. The scholar answered in a positive and told him the first step he needs to take is to leave the land of the evil to land of righteousness.
We must situate ourselves in an environment that is beneficial for our manners and behaviour. Sometimes, we need to relocate from a city which doesn’t have any Muslims to a city that has a lot of Muslims. Sometimes, we need to stop attending the gatherings where the environment is bad.
Righteous Companionship: We have more of a control of who we choose our companions to be. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) gave an analogy. A good companion is like a seller of musk (or perfume), even if you don’t buy anything from him and you return back with a good smell. And a bad companion is like a black smith, just by being around him you come back with a foul smell.
Identifying Your Strengths and Weaknesses (Muhasibah): Imagine going to school and not getting any report card or grading until finally your graduation date arrives. Umar (radhiallahuanhu) said, “take yourself to account before your accounts are taken for you.” You will know the bad qualities in your and that will allow you to seek forgiveness for it and change them and adopt good qualities to replace them; you will know your good deeds and you will be able to capitalize them, such as by using them in your supplication.
Make Goals: After taking account of yourself, and figuring out what good traits you want to built and what bad traits need to be eliminated, it is time to develop a goal. Develop a “smart” goal which will help you reach your goal.
o S – Specific
o M – Measurable
o A – Actionable
o R – Realistic
o T – Time Bound
“Smart” goal is specific; you want to avoid dealing with a broad range of unspecific things, rather focus on a limited amount of tasks that would maximize your efforts. What exactly and specifically are you trying to achieve, and what specific actions are you going to undertake to accomplish that. Compare the following: “I want to lose weight” and “I want to lose 2 pounds every week for 10 weeks.” This also means that it would be wiser to focus on one quality rather than quantity.
“Smart” plan is measurable. A common mistake that people make when they are planning out something that they don’t put proper steps for measurements. You should be able to measure the progress, whether it is daily, weekly, or monthly. A person trying to lose weight may want to weigh himself weekly. If the goal is not achieved during the week, perhaps new strategies need to be developed for the following week.
“Smart” plan is actionable and realistic. If you can’t act on your plan, its not really realistic. The plan can also be unrealistic in the sense that the results are wanted immediately. We should come up with daily activity to help us change our habit gradually. You can’t memorize the Quran in one day, it’s not a realistic goal, you will give up immediately; at the same time, if you don’t specify any action, then you will also never memorize the Quran.
“Smart” plan is time-bound. You should a specific date by when you should accomplish your task. You should also have periods in the middle where you should be able to measure your progress.